5 completely insane things Christian fundamentalists are teaching their kids

DerverzweifelteJesusAccelerated Christian Education is a fundamentalist school curriculum used in a  claimed 6,000 schools and 145 countries. Despite the name, education is actually second to its  stated primary purpose, which is “to diligently teach our children to love the Lord in every sphere of their lives, with all their hearts, all their souls, and all their minds,” according to its website.

By Jonny Scaramanga|Alternet/Salon

ACE explicitly  says its intention is that students should not have any knowledge of anything contrary to the Bible. In practice, students are taught gross distortions and misrepresentations of mainstream science, like these 33 bizarre multiple choice questions from the ACE coursework. Here’s a look at the some of the blatant mistruths ACE teaches.

1. The Loch Ness Monster Disproves Evolution

Science PACE (Packet of Accelerated Christian Education) 1099 contains this priceless wisdom:

Some scientists speculate that Noah took small or baby dinosaurs on the Ark…. are dinosaurs still alive today? With some recent photographs and testimonies of those who claimed to have seen one, scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence…

Have you heard of the ‘Loch Ness Monster’ in Scotland? ‘Nessie,’ for short, has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.

This caused a media storm when it was revealed that ACE schools would be eligible for Louisiana’s  school voucher program. Earlier this year it  was reported that ACE had removed the Loch Ness Monster claim, but this is only the case outside of the United States. The  information which replaces Nessie for international students is scarcely any better:

Pictures of dinosaurs have been discovered in ancient rock carvings and paintings. A reptile that could be an allosaur or a tyrannosaur is etched on the walls of Rattlesnake Canyon in Colorado. African bushmen painted pictures of other dinosaur-like creatures with pictures of a hippopotamus, giraffe, and elephant on the walls of a cave near Harare, Zimbabwe. These drawings made by man are an indication of the possibility that dinosaurs coexisted with man.

Chinese, Egyptian, and Irish stories of dragons may also have arisen from the stories of men who saw dinosaurs and passed on their descriptions to later generations.

So Nessie doesn’t disprove evolution, but cave paintings and legends about dragons do. Sadly for ACE, even Fox News  won’t give that claim any credence.

2. Solar Fusion Is a Myth

The sun, as everybody knows,  works by nuclear fusion. Unfortunately, ACE has a pet theory, outlined on pages 7-9 of Science 1096 (a PACE devoted entirely to refuting evolution, packed with misinformation and distortions of the truth). In short, these creationists want to prove that the sun is shrinking. If the sun is shrinking at a constant rate, then billions of years ago it would have swallowed up the earth. This, they say, proves that the universe must be young.

Unfortunately for them,  the sun is not shrinking. That’s because, contrary to their assumptions, the sun is not a massive gas boiler gradually shrinking as it burns fuel. It’s a fusion reactor. This doesn’t fit their model, so they outright deny the truth:

The nuclear fusion theory of how the sun emits heat and light is an invention of evolution scientists… All other theories require the sun to use up all its energy sooner than the evolutionists’ invented timetable would allow.

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